Groan and Double Groan

I don't think I'm cut out for this vet stuff.  I think I was better off when I was an orphan out in the snowstorm starving and freezing to death.   They send me off with all sorts of stories about getting my eyes done and what happens?  I come home with the same swollen face and ugly, sore eyes - but I'm missing two VITAL parts!  What were they thinking?  The FM brought me to a place where they don't know one end of a person from the other!  I am beside myself - now I'm not only a swollen, infected mess - I'm not even manly anymore.  If I had the strength, I think I'd kill myself.

So, OK, maybe it wasn't all that horrible.  I got to meet lots of new people and they all loved me and told me how handsome I am in spite of all my skin problems.   I don't think they could ALL be wrong, do you? Plus, they cleaned out my ears (good news is that there isn't any infection there - just some inflammation and lots of dirt and other crud) and gave me two special eye medicines so that my eyes will feel better soon and once that happens, and all the swelling goes down, I'll be able to have them fixed so I'm not in pain any more.  I guess that's good news.

I''m horribly embarrassed though.   The FM took me for a walk before we left for home, but all I wanted was to get in the car, so she finally gave up.  Bad decision.  A few minutes into our hour long ride, I started to cry - I was having an EMERGENCY.  But there was nowhere to pull off - we were on a narrow, windy road with cars behind us.  EEEEKKKK!  I couldn't wait.  I had a terrible accident in the back of the car.  And then as we were racing down the road at MACH I to get to a spot where we could pull over, it happened again.   I don't think in my whole life I've ever been so ashamed.  The FM said it was OK and that I couldn't help it, but then I had to stand there on the side of the road while she tried to clean things up a bit, and I know everybody driving by knew what happened.   I think I must be a really bad dog.  I was so upset that a few minutes after we got back in the car and hit the highway, I threw up.   I thought we were going straight back to the shelter, but miraculously, we drove into our own driveway and I got to go out in my field for a few minutes, and then I came in and had a sponge bath (no showers for a few days because of my surgery) and a little drink, and I got to rest in my crate. 

Just now I had a little tiny bit of dinner - a couple of bites - and another little drink, and I'm going to head off to bed.  Tomorrow HAS to be a better day.  One more like this, and I'm jumping!

The FM said not to worry - everything will be just fine in the morning.  I bet she's really glad she got the car with no carpeting so that she could just wash everything down!   I promised her that I wouldn't be such a bad dog ever again, and she just kissed me and gave me a hug and said she was glad to have me back home, so I guess everything really will be OK.